Saturday, August 20, 2011

changes

I do not like to discuss anything too private on my blog. However, I have been getting a lot of questions from people wanting to know why after close to 3 years I would give up running one of the most successful guilds on artfire, Polymer Clay Smooshers.

When I am responsible for something I feel the need to give it everything I have. I posted to their blog and kept up promotions on various websites every single day.
The past year there has been a lot going on in my personal life.
I had to have 2 surgeries including one to reattach the tendons in my shoulder.
My mother in law had to have brain surgery.
Several months later she had a stroke and almost died.
My sister passed away unexpectedly.
My mother received a really bad diagnosis and is possibly about to have to go through surgery.
While going through everything life could toss at me I kept up my responsibilities to the Smooshers. I barely slowed down. It felt good to have something else to focus my attention on.

Then a few weeks ago something bad happened and I don't know why, I forgot my sister died. I picked up the phone to call her. Once I realized what I was doing it was like the bottom fell out of the world and I fell into a deep dark hole.
I did ask for help with the Smooshers but when after a couple of weeks it did not happen I knew it was time to let it go. I could not keep up the responsibility as I had been. For the good of the members it was better that I resign instead of letting it slowly disappear into oblivion. They deserve better than to let that happen.

For my own sanity I am trying to make something every day even if I just smoosh the clay back up. It is my way of digging myself up out of this dark pit I have fallen into.
Sorry about the long post. If you have made it this far down (((hugs))) to you.

12 comments:

  1. You are right to take care of yourself. Give YOU the 100% you give everything and everyone else. Wish I could give you a hug, but know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. I will pray for the health of your loved ones as well. Hang in there sweetie,

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  2. Im glad you are taking time for yourself ((hugs)). Your new website is looking great, and I cannot wait to see more of your miniatures!

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  3. (((HUGS))) to you my friend. I am sorry I wasn't there for you, with knee surgery and taking on someone else to take care of...that was all I could do. I understand all to well about signing up for a responsiblity and giving it your all (which is why you did an awesome job for Smooshers). I do exactly the same thing...sometimes I give 110% even when it is not needed. We need to know how to set boundaries. I tend to take on more than I can give these days. But when you lose a family member and are not able to go through the healing process...that can really send you into a dark place. Keeping busy is ok but to be stressed with other family issues plus your own...well that is way too much for somebody. I am really glad that you are taking the time you need. I am excited to see where this website takes you! Thank you for all that you've done for the Smooshers! As I said before, I am honored to be part of this group!

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  4. I think you did the right thing for you.....:0)

    Your website is looking good. I am fascinated with miniatures, you have a excellent skill.

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  5. You should always come first. It's impossible to give to others if nothing is left for yourself.
    I'll follow you on your travel - being fascinated with miniatures, but not able to make them myself, I'll vicariously live through you!

    Big hugs.

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  6. I am fascinated with your new site and I cannot wait to see what wonderful creations you come up with.

    Huge (((hugs))) for you. As hard as it can be, you have to take care of yourself first. Only you know what is best for you. <3

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  7. If you don't give your flame some air, the whole fire goes out. I'm glad you're doing something you love--one can see that in your work--your miniatures are incredible. Take care.

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  8. Big hugs to you lady!! Take care of yourself and everyone else will figure it out. You need to take care of you!

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  9. Your site is looking fantastic, always love your work! If you are constantly giving of yourself, but never stop to replenish, eventually you run dry, so take care of yourself!

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Thank you for taking time to reply. I really appreciate it.